Artist? Probably not.

135th

2012-02-15T00:05:00.002+08:00

Emo posts. Ah.. Was so close to publishing that emo post.. No! I'm not going to post those emotional thoughts of mine to the internet.. Who know's this might be used against me! Happy valentine, if that has any meaning to you and goodnight.

134th

2012-01-01T22:26:00.005+08:00

So, 2011 is over and it's 2012 already.

2011 was a year for me to give thanks to God, cause 2011 was a year of blessings and these blessings, I know, they aren't just coincidences, but definitely from God.

To start things, let me talk about my NS, cause it's too obvious that God's working on it. A little back ground story on my shift, my shift has 2 teams goes like this, Monday, Tuesday, I'll be in camp, Wednesday and Thursday, I'll book out, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, I'll go back in, Monday, Tuesday, I'll book out, then I'll go back in on Wednesday, Thursday and the cycle will continue after I book out for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Notice that for every 2 weeks, I'll miss one weekend.

The story goes like this, after entering my unit, I have to choose the team that I'll have to go, A or B, the rest of my friends who came in together with me, all wanted to go B, cause, the specialists and men there were better people, friendlier compared to A, where the specialist were view as Evil, Bullies and the men, Cold and Uninteresting. I wanted to go A because, then, it was November, I had this thought to, instead, of the people in the shift, I should, look at the dates, the Public Holidays. Well, as I was looking at which Public Holidays the shifts would get, I noticed that A would get day before CNY and the first day of CNY. I must choose A I thought! I cannot miss CNY, it's such a big thing for my family, especially for the first day, when my relatives would visit my house! I didn't hesitate, I decided to choose A. However, there's a catch, I'll miss Christmas. Christmas, Christian me, you get the link, it's very important, how could I choose Christmas over CNY!? No, I decided, CNY is a more important affair, a family affair. As I went into shift, the first thing that I asked was to take leave on Christmas, I don't remember if it was a leave or time off, but I was able to serve for Christmas. Talking about serving, this is a lil secret, but, in order to help serve in my usher team and my FM, there were times when the shift followed my shift, so that I'll be able to serve on my off day. I was able to celebrate New Year in 2010 too!

Then came 2011, there was CNY, there was Easter, NLC, ESSes, Christmas, and New year, there were many major events that I was able to serve and even if my shift does not allow, I was able to take leaves or offs. It was definitely God's hand moving.

Another thing I was blessed with this year, was the End time classes conducted by One Thing Ministries. The lessons blew my mind as a Christian. I never knew that God had such a glorious plan at the end. I've always thought that End time's a scary stuff and that Revelation is a book that 'normal' Christians won't be able to comprehend.. True, it's not as easy as other books, but, with a little guide, you'll be able to know part of God's heart in this book. The truth sets you free, and the truth, can be found in the Bible. I've learnt so much about God through this lessons, it supersedes the past 6 years of my Christianity..! But, what's more important is that this lesson have given me no excuse to not read the Bible, Matthew 7:8 "For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened." If you really want to know God, seek him in the Bible, he will, I dare say, he confirm, absolutely reveal himself to you, not totally, but, bit by bit, slowly, but, surely. This will be anchor for this year, to seek God and to know him more, I'll take this promise and to find God!

Also, I've learnt through this year is that, God really cares for your needs and wants. Very often we think God only meet needs and not wants, cause, we generally think that wants are not biblical.. True, wants are usually not biblical, how does wanting ice-cream or clothes help build the kingdom of God? In fact it's a waste of resource which can be spent better to serve the kingdom..

Yes, it's true, but, hear this, God loves you, he wants you to be happy! When we think God doesn't meet our wants, it's saying, "Oh, I love my wife, but, I don't buy her pretty stuffs cause, it's such a waste of resources that I can spend on making the house more awesome." Instead, if you love your wife, you would want her to be happy and adore her, make sure she has a smile on her face always. It's the same with God, he loves you! He wants to see you smile and be happy! But, some might think, my year has been bad, God doesn't love me as much as others.. =( No! God loves all people! Everyone! Very often, we think we are not blessed, because we might not know what truly makes us happy, or, when we are blessed, we didn't notice! I might be wrong for the former, that one doesn't know what makes one happy, but, I know I'm not wrong when I say that God loves you.

Why am I saying this? Well, because, most of the wimpy things I wanted to attend, I was able to attend them, I wanted to serve in usher, God says yes, I wanted to attend Christmas, God says yes, I want new year, God says yes, I want CNY, God says yes, I want ice cream, I have ice-cream, I want to know people who loves animals, God says yes, the list goes on, can't even remember some of them.. If I count my blessings and share them to my friends I would remember, but, I guess I don't have this habit =/ So how has God loved you last year, how has God made you smile and be happy? He certain made my 2011 a good one.

What I'm excited for this year, 2012, 1)ORD!
2)related to number 1, the next life station.
3)the friend I made who loves animals like I do!

1) Well it's quite obvious, to serve finish my NS and 2) move on to my next life station, which I'm still deciding to study or work, but, my thought is skewed towards working, but I'll still ask for advices.

As for 3), I met her in the End time classes, she has a degree in Marine Biology, she works in Nparks and she's into conservation. Sounds familiar? What she's doing is what I want to do! If I study, I want to study marine biology, if I work I want to work in a field related to animals and yes, I'm into conservation. It always makes me sad when I have no friends who's into conservation as much as I do. Well, God knows..! Then again, haven't been talking to her, hope I'll have chances to talk to her personally..!

Looking forward to 2012, a year with God

133rd

2011-10-12T02:41:00.001+08:00

If you ever find this note, I always wanted to tell you this, but, never had the guts to tell you so, I like you.

2011-07-18T20:19:00.001+08:00

So, this is the period where I'm feeling down and bored of things, even activities don't help.

So here's the thing, these are the times when I doubt God's plans for me and his power.

I want God to help me with certain issues, but, where's my help? There seems to be no hope. It is this hope for the better that I'm still hanging on to God, waiting for his sovereignty to prevail.

Then again, all this might just be an indication that my relationship with God isn't strong. True, I have to say, I've not put in much effort in this relationship; I need to spend more time with God and reading his words.

Having said that, I hope I'll stop my whining and man up, man up and be secure in my God, cause, after all, his security is, but, the best.

132nd

2011-06-10T23:39:00.002+08:00

I wonder what were you thinking when you had my arms, cause I sense reluctance, I sense fear. But I am supposed to be your sense of security, did my lack of actions caused you to not feel secure in me?

Edit: It doesn't matter now, cause it's not important, you are but a fleeting image.

131st

2011-04-06T01:12:00.002+08:00

Wow, so long.

Think blogs are better to remember things than twitter.

Well, today is the 6th of April 2011 and the last post was August 12 2010, when my cousin broke up. Eight months.

Well, many things happened. For a start, enlisted 5th of October 2011, birthday at Lucky plaza ayam pengyat. Posted to 8SIR for training, posted out to PLAB for pass office duties, 7-6pm. Went into shift system, sang in Choir for pre-christmas service, The gift, served in Christmas Service, Love story, attended new year party at the Scape.

Was able to be out of camp on day one of Chinese New Year and reunion dinner/lunch, but was in camp on Day two through four.

Attended NLC on 28th April 2011, enjoyed and re-learnt fundamental faith and love, which is what we all often lack to do so.

Well, these were the more significant events that happened to me.

What I want to say is, you know what, thank you God, for giving me time for important events in my life, Chinese new year and serving in your house. I can never understand the way you work, but, all I know, you love us and you are in control.

What else do I need, knowing that you, powerful and loving, are on my side?

All I need is you.

130th

2010-08-12T03:42:00.003+08:00

Drama banana. So recently my cousin broke up with her bf, I don't support any sides and i didn't hear both sides of the story, but I guess kinda know what happened? LoL, drama series a lot of time have liao.

Something I learnt from all these? Better treat your partner rightly as they are supposed to be treated. Really, though sometimes, it seems ok that, you don't have to buy flowers, since you know one another for quite sometime, but it's not! I guess, I think, I heard, girls are sensitive, so do little things to them to make them feel cherished, special and loved!

Well that's not the drama part. It's the oil and vinegar that people add to that relationship. Hate it. Gossipers and people who can't keep secrets. Sometimes when asked for the truth, when you are forced to say, would you? Where will your integrity be at?

129th

2010-07-20T00:13:00.002+08:00

Needa voice my thoughts out. Kinda weird, they are always repeating in my head, I know to remind me. But I think I can put my mind at ease once I write it down somewhere.

Learnt about a few things this few days/weeks.

1) The greatest love of all, is the love that sacrifice, a selfless love. Sometimes, we just love, for the sake of loving, sometimes we love because of attraction and sometimes we love because we care. But I want to love, as though I'm not in the picture, a love that has nothing to do with me, but the loved. I want to love to my best, giving all my effort and time and everything I have to love. But I can't see to do that. If I can't even do that to my friends around me, how am I going to do that to my future spouse? I'm withholding my love, I'm not giving all my love to people, friends and family. I think, IF, I'm able to do that, it's going to be my breakthrough. The breakthrough of this two centuries of living. Gotta go love ppl, don't worry about the hurt that I will face, cause God is a healer, don't worry about the consequences of loving all heartedly, cause God is a miracle maker, don't worry about the eyes people cast at me, cause God sees who I am.

2)Friends. Learnt so much new things with my colleague/friends at work. Don't like to call them colleague cause they are my friends. When I say colleague, seems like they aren't my friend, just some person, working with me. Anyway, though this might sound so unchurchy and worldly, but listen to what I have to say. Truth is, I haven't had so much fun with any of my friends from church. Even I had more fun with my poly friends than the friends I have from church. So world +1, church -1. We don't spend much time outside of church stuff, cg, service and mcg, world +2, church -2. We give a slight consideration and care to the people who needs it the most, world +3, church -3. There are more things I can comment, But, this won't help. Saying won't help. Gotta change. Change starts from me, a revolution and a revolution is not a revolution unless it's met with obstacles, a revolution would not be a revolution if there's no sacrifice. That's why people avoid revolution. Singaporeans tend to avoid a revolution. It's comfortable, it's safe, no worries this way. Again, this boils down to love.

So much things I've learnt about love. So much. Thanks God.

128th

2010-07-12T22:38:00.003+08:00

Have so much on my mind but I'm going to lay it down here, a mind map, just that it's a web-mind-map.

1) I want to write a song, a song that talks about security and trust in God. When certain someone hears it, someone would click with it, relate to the song and ultimately trust in God. I believe that music is a life influencer, a social agent.

2) Maybe my CG can use the YOG to bond, but it cost money... To be attractive to people outside, we also need money. Some management needs to be instilled.

3)I want to grow fats in my belly so my scar stretches and they I will slim down. So the scar will not affect my mobility. Wise?

127th

2010-07-11T12:50:00.002+08:00

I'm going to be a shepherd. Have to be responsible, have to up myself. Have to be closer to God now.

God, let me close to you. Rather, teach me how to draw near to you, for strength, for hope and for love.

God. Need you more than anything.

126th

2010-05-20T16:39:00.002+08:00

I've got to admit, I don't want to watch youtube videos during work, but, I really have nothing to do! See! I'm even blogging at work! Don't like this. Seems like if they want to get rid of us, they could, like, 'Since you do nothing anyways.' So tell me! What else can I do instead! Sianed.

125th

2010-05-18T11:33:00.002+08:00

I want to write songs and make music. But why? Do I have the right talents? I mean, I know I'm good at listening, good at appreciating music, but so what? Will that help me with lyrics? Besides, my vocab's not that great either.

Still, I want to have a go at it, seriously make an effort in composing a song or two, so that, if I fail, I will know that this isn't what I'm good at and stop thinking about it.

I also have a thought, to open a cafe, a cafe that sells food that I like to eat, which means, in a sense, I'm sharing my opinions to customers about what's tasty and awesome food. Then again, I'm not a chef, I'm don't have that money and enough knowledge and experience to open a cafe.

So, what I'm driving at, is, there's so many things I want to do in my life, so many that I don't think I will be able to finish doing them all in my lifetime.

So oh please God, please show me! Tell me what I'm good at, so I'll be able to serve you, not to serve myself, to do the things I want to do, which might be a waste of kairos and chronos timing. Well, I can learn it the hard way, but no, God, I want to be lead by you, by the holy spirit, to do what I'm created to do, not what the world tells me what I need to do or what I tell myself what I want to do.

Please, God?

124th

2010-05-02T23:51:00.003+08:00

Yes, got a job in Singtel, temp for an IT project. Nothing exciting, but the other temps, really, something's missing in their lives. I wonder if they ever asked themselves, 'is there more in life than this?'

Well, I hope, I might somehow, lead them to asking themselves that question.

Really is there more in life than this?

I'm contented with my life because, I know my hope is on one that doesn't fail, my strength comes from one who has healed broken lives and overcame death, my wisdom comes from one who is all knowing, and most of all, I know, I am, a child of the living God, almighty and holy God. My God. My father in heaven, who loves me the way I am, gives me salvation, a future and forgiveness.

There's nothing else I should want and need, if only, I look to my loving God, always.

Is there anything else I want in life than this?

Nah, I know that, I only need God.

123th

2010-04-08T02:36:00.004+08:00

Alright, changed the layout of the blog, based on some girl's blog. Well, maybe not based, but 'inspired'.

And some people will go thinking, 'Ya, ya, copy, paste.'

Nope, I only do that if I want to do things half-ass-ed-ly. Smiley face.

Now, as you might have noticed, I named my posts by numbers and 'th'. (Sudden realisation that '123th' should be '123rd', oh wells)

In the beginnings of this blog, I did not like the idea of coming up with a title for every post, as, it's just too troublesome and, the fact is, I am lazy. Then again, I could just leave the title empty. Crooked smiley face.

Lets get to topic then.

Well, lots of responsibilities taken and to be taken, which, in my low self-esteem, means many more mess-ups and answer for actions.

But, in the past few weeks, I've learnt, my God, is, er, my God. God == powerful, God !== loser. Therefore, I must realise that I will be powerful/victorious if my God wants to help me. Which, is not much a problem, since I'm his child, whom he loves dearly.

So, am I willing to trust in my God and bash through these little little problems which wouldn't harm me?

122th

2010-04-04T01:03:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I feel sad for the muslims, that what they are believing in, is, crap. Sorry guys, we have to truth. =/

121th

2010-03-17T17:03:00.002+08:00

Though I'm out of the hospital, I still have tubes in my stomach, which, I can't wait to get them off. I'm grateful that I'm out of hospital, however, with the tubes in my stomach, it's super inconvenient, and it hurts occasionally.

Oh wells.

Hope the doctor would removes the tubes this Thursday, if he does, I'm a free man! I can go anywhere I want!

Just hope so. =׀

120th

2010-03-02T12:58:00.000+08:00

11th day in hospital, will miss so much more meals. Craving to eat. Seriously, I want to eat. But I can't =(

119th

2010-01-18T00:22:00.002+08:00

Where is my ocean,
Where is my escape?
Where is my nest,
Where is my comfort?
Where is my forest,
Where is my happiness?
Where is my friend,
Where is my joy?

118th

2010-01-04T00:18:00.002+08:00

Deny what I think I want.
I love myself too much.
More than anything.
Get out of the comfort zone.

117th

2009-12-14T00:59:00.001+08:00

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

116th

2009-11-27T02:10:00.002+08:00

I realised this few days ago.
It's true, I do not have any poly friends that I can really call 'best-friends'.
As for the rest of my friends, maybe 1 or 2 that I can get along easily, talk about life, care for one another.

As for the one that I've entrusted my life to, I only have one. You know who I'm talking about.

Root problem?

Many little problems.

Where do I find the woman that I'm willing to entrust my life to? The woman that I'll spend the rest of my breathing life together with? The one that, I'll pour out my feelings and emotions so that I'll be transparent as glass, knows me inside-out.

115th

2009-11-02T23:20:00.002+08:00

Wow, read the book Nicholas gave me for my birthday, Answers and Reasons, by Josh McDowell and Don Stewart.

Really amazing!

I was thinking about Islam and Christianity and finally I can conclude! Wow! Thank God for these 2 guys for clearing my mind and thank God for Nicholas.

Wow.

THE FACT IS ISLAM/MUSLIM DID NOT START OUT FROM, THE STORY THAT I ALWAYS HEAR, JACOB AND ESAU! NO SUCH CRAP! GET IT RIGHT! I HAD ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS CRAP AND YES IT IS CRAP!

LoL!

Islam started out from Mohammed, if not, muslims would have Esau as their first name.
Islam started out like what 400 AD? Not BC!
The Quran is like a book that spites the Bible, singing a different tune than a Bible.
And lastly, most importantly, we have Salvation by Grace through faith.
Muslims have salvation by deeds.

114th

2009-10-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

You know, most of the time, I know where I'm wrong.
I know if I did something good or bad.
I know!

But just sometimes, it really requires discipline to do what's right and to abhor what's wrong.

Abhor laziness.

113th

2009-10-18T14:58:00.000+08:00

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The verse that I used to repeat to people every time.

Now, it's time to repeat this to myself.

112th

2009-10-15T00:42:00.002+08:00

What a funny sight.

Picture this.

A pretty girl is sitting on the right side, somewhere in the middle of the back of the bus. Me, I'm sitting on the left, just one row behind that girl.

Some guy, needs to alight and therefore, walks from the, I assume, very back of the bus, to the alighting door.

The guy, upon reaching near the door, takes a step down (new bus) to prepare to alight, takes a spin, 360 anti-clock wise, takes a peek at that girl. After realising that that girl is really pretty and probably sleeping, I guess, takes another peek at the girl. Maybe realising that the girl is now awake, also looking at him, sheepishly looks to his front.

After alighting, turns to take a longer look at the girl, cause, maybe, thinking it doesn't matter, she can't do anything now since I'm not in the bus and the bus takes off.

And throughout that whole scene, I was observing that guy and I realised, one, the girl could really be damn pretty and two, the guy really is attracted by that girl.

Like at first sight huh? LoL!

111th

2009-10-14T16:12:00.002+08:00

"Aim high, believe that God will use you greatly. God has been opening your eyes the past few months and preparing you for His plans to unveil in your life and may you succeed in all that you do."

By DC.

Encouraging.

110th

2009-10-07T00:33:00.002+08:00

Oh my, how do you correct with truth and love!?

Man, really cannot stand it.

I know, I know, I'm supposed to prioritise, to place God first.

But one does not have to use such sentences like, 'It's up to your own conviction.', 'Which do you place first? God or Other things?'

I know, I know what's right and what's wrong. But one leaves me no choice but to do what's right.

Man, I really hate doing what I do not want to do. I understand that it's the right thing to do. BUT ONE DOES NOT HAVE TO FORCE ME! And I believe that challenging does not mean force. What do I mean by force? It is when the end result, no matter what choice one takes, one will end up at the same place. Example, If I choose A, I will end up with C. If I choose B, I will also end up with C. Not much of a choice huh?

Well, this could be cause by pride, like I do not like to be treated like a child, but what I strongly think is that I'm not motivated by force but by attraction.

For example, when I'm interested in a subject, I would go learn about the subject myself, without much encouragement. I would devout time and energy for it, even go lengths to read up on it in libraries. I do not need to be told to do all that.

109th

2009-10-06T00:06:00.002+08:00

I think I should use this blog to record my thoughts that I've thought through. Anything and everything that I've spent time to ponder about.

Well something I've thought about is this, why do people, in general, want to be in a relationship with the opposite sex, rather, BGR.

Firstly, why do kids, when they turn around 15 year old, most of them, will want to be in a relationship!?

My thoughts are, I believe that, they are fueled by a desire to be in an exclusive relationship. Because, in this exclusive relationship, one is able to hold hands, kiss, go out together, just the two of them. And, who else to do that, but with the person you like the most, usually based on physical characteristic or on 'feelings'.

I have to emphasize, this is just a stereotype.

Anyway, usually you want to be in this exclusive relationship because you want to know more about the person, deeper, or to judge if this person would be the one you would like to be with, for long.

Well, the problem about this is that, I think, people tend to put in lots of emotion, time or commitment into this phase of knowing one another more, thinking that the other person would be as one had imagined/fantasied.

Which would in the end, one way or another, fail one's original expectations. Which would lead to this question: To continue the relationship or 'break-up'.

Well, one could try to change one's partner, but I believe that most of us are lazy and can't be bothered to do that after knowing the other's faults/shortcomings.

And, I guess, the painful experience of 'break-up' would scar the one who had put lots of effort, emotion and commitment in the relationship, which, most likely, both sides would experience.

My conclusion? Well you can take my church's approach of courtship, or, you can have my advice, to thread carefully in a normal relationship, to observe, not assume or imagine one's character. After that, try to verify, ask around if that is one's true character and from there, get to know the person more, but in a platonic relationship first, do not rush into getting 'steady'. But this might make you look like a stalker, or someone who is trying to play 'hard to get'.

Well, I guess my advice is not that much of an advice, but the main focus is to not rush into a BGR but try to determine if that person is the person you would like to be with, for the rest of your life. If not, one would end up hurting oneself and one's partner.

I can say all this, but in the end, if that person doesn't wants you to be in their life then, I guess, no-one can do anything about that.

Oh well.

108th

2009-09-29T09:56:00.002+08:00

How are you feeling, God?
What are you thoughts, God?

You have emotions rite?

So do your emotions change,
Like how human's emotion change?

One second you are happy that someone is saved,
The other second disappointed by your chosen people?

Or, are you nonchalant, since, everything goes according to your plans?
Maybe, just feeling glad that your plans worked as planned?

Tell me, do you feel?
Or are you an emotion-less God?

Hints?

107th

2009-09-07T01:51:00.002+08:00

I'm going to take a stand.

I should and will oppose of unnatural sex.

It's not natural. What more can I say?

Unnatural! Not-natural, not of the nature.

106th

2009-09-03T07:17:00.003+08:00

Ok here's the plan,

Wake up at 0545-0555.

Bathe at 0600.

Everything prepared, leave house at 0620.

Reach Serangoon Interchange with Prawns at 0630.

Take bus 82 to Punggol End.

Hopefully catch the sunrise.

Fish until 0900.

Take bus 82 back to Serangoon.

Eat breakfast.

That's what I call, a fishing maniac.

105th

2009-08-30T02:30:00.002+08:00

Right.

Self-denial, Passion and Conviction.

Where is my passion and conviction?

Seriously, where?

If I've found them back, then I'll need self-denial.

104th

2009-08-24T16:38:00.003+08:00

What is God's heart like?
What are his attributes, his personality/godity like?
Will we truly know them? Will we know all of them?
Am I viewing God as though God is a complicated and un-open God?
I came to this thought that God as a divine being, will not be understood unless God allows us to understand cause he's God and we will never be able to read his mind.
Yes,I do trust God.
Yes, I have nothing against him.
But as a God, he is of a higher level than us, and of course of a different plane.
Therefore, is it true that we will never really understand God?
Or do we take what we know of God and move on?

The thing is, if we do really understand God totally, then we as human or angels or the beings in heaven, can be God, I guess?

Then obviously, that won't happen cause God create us as humans not as divine beings. I guess even if we do understand God, we can't be God because we are not omni-presence, omni-potent and omni-scient.

Then again, if we truly understand God, then we will know how he works. Then again, can we contain or understand how he works? If we do, then, we could be omni-presence, omni-potent and omni-scient, then, we have the attributes of God, rite?

Man, this is going nowhere.

So what if it's possible.
If it's possible, then there is no need for God to come to earth.
If it's possible, then we can save ourselves, we do not need Jesus! HAH!

Therefore, I can conclude that I have wasted my time to think if we can be 'God' and if we will truly know God.

Wasted.

But, I guess, I can also come to another conclusion that we as humans, are limited.
We can never save ourselves.
We can do everything to 'save ourselves', but, without accepting God's salvation, we can never be saved.

We need to recognise that we need salvation, salvation from sins, because sins or sinning has/have caused us to be further away from God, has caused fear, grief, hopelessness, guilt, loss of self-respect and many undesirable effects to us.

Have you been judge by others for you sins? When you got caught stealing? When you got caught for smoking? When you got caught for lying? When you got caught for illegal drug usage? When you got caught for cheating? Have you ever been treated differently because of your past?

God offers release from these judgement! God do not want to judge you for the things that you have done wrong! God long to help you, love you and care for you! Can you believe that!?

It might sound like a ridiculous joke that God wants to help, love and care for such as us right! How can a God who is so powerful, mighty and perfect notice such as us? The God that allows all the sufferings in the world!

Joke huh?

But, seriously, he does.

You know what, if God were to judge, you would not care that God allows sufferings in the world. You would care about why God allows you to live even though you had done that something in your life. He allows sufferings in the world just as how he allows you to live for that thing you did.

God do not want to judge us. God wants us to be forgiven. Who would like to see something that one had created be destroyed? Or would you like to kill your child for something that your child had done? Who in the right mind would? Then tell me, would God, who is so powerful, mighty and perfect, be in the wrong mind?

God did not come to the world because of a mistake. God came to this world with nothing in mind but to save us!

We humans are very good in suppressing the TRUTH! It is true that God came to the world to save us, but, we do not want to believe it! Rather believe, acknowledge. If we even acknowledge that God had saved us, we would be more than happy to believe it!

Do not suppress the truth that you need an absolute forgiveness and do not suppress the truth that that absolute forgiveness can be found by accepting God in your life.

How do you get this forgiveness, you ask. I say, you converse with God, talk to God as though he is real, beside you. Tell God that you, as a sinner, need this forgiveness and you know that this forgiveness had been given by God, when Jesus died for your sins, as true forgiveness comes when there is a pure sacrifice.

You can contact me if you have doubts. Leave me a message and I'll be glad to reply you.

103th

2009-08-20T01:19:00.002+08:00

Lets see.

I've seen a little neon lights, R34, Toyota supra, acting as Farari, Porsche Turbo, lots of taxi, 1 Volkswagon Police car, many Police vans, lots of police man, one D60, Many churches, First class MTR cabin, Loud-shouting Chinese nationals, LOTS of friends look-alike, crazy female(?) under garments, a real idol craze, many pubs on a hill, rainbow during rain, 4 Thailand trans, as per Singapore, beautiful girls with below-average guys and awesome guys with below-average girls, lots of beautiful girls and handsome guys, 1-2 gorgeous lady, someone smoking in front of a no-smoking sign. Lots of others, not so significant.

I've tasted great and expensive 'teppan-yaki', BBQ Cuttlefish, Fish porridge with the taste of the fish's stomach, braised duck and pork intestine, Steam boat, Hong Kong Dim Sum, not-that-fantastice seafood which includes Sashimi cuttlefish, crab(Hoi) cooked in Singapore's frog leg's gravy, fried sea mantis with a spicy-saltish condiment, 'Kang-Kong' friend with I-don't-know-what-that-sucks.

555, lucky strike.

102th

2009-08-13T02:13:00.002+08:00

Unfruitful, Unfruitful.
I'm not using my time wisely!
But I guess, even if I did, I do not have the courage or discipline to do the things that has to be done.
Man, really unfruitful.
I cry out use me, but do I really want to be used?
My attitude is wrong.
I should be more than willing, more than happy to do God's work.
But, no!
Give an excuse and not do anything.
I'm so disappointed with myself.
My mouth speaks, but my heart isn't willing.
Where's the conviction that you spoke?
Where?

You said that you wanted to be used, you said that you have so much time.
But where's your sense of responsibility and discipline?
Can't you see that all great men and women of the world has a strong sense of responsiblity and discipline!?
They do not wake up everyday and say, 'Damn, what a wonderful day to do nothing important!'
Really, please go rethink your life.
Rethink on the number of duties that were given by yourself that were not done.
Countless right?
Come on, so much about integrity, when you can't even keep your own promises!
Hahah, your strength is integrity? Joke!

I need to change.
I can't live my life like this.
I won't glorify God this way.
I have to start with myself, before I even start on my family or contacts!

Is this what Nel had said? We will go into self-loathing when we get closer to God?

101th

2009-08-04T01:44:00.002+08:00

All along, I'm mistaken.
But with this, I now know how to serve to my fullest.
Please guide me as I obey to your will.
I'll love you with all my heart because you are faithful to me.
I'll have faith in you.
I'll wait.
I want to glorify your name.

100th

2009-07-29T00:02:00.002+08:00

Dear child of mine,

Are you thirsty? Come and drink. I am one who comfort you. I bought you and complete you. I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. I will never fail you or forsake you.

I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins, yet my grace is sufficient for you. I have cast all you sins behind my back, trampled them under my feet and thrown them into the depths of the ocean! Your sins have been washed away, swept away like the morning mists, scattered like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.

Your deaths is swallowed up in victory . I disarmed the evil rulers and authorities and broke the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Blessed are those who die in the Lord. Your citizenship is in heaven. Come, inherit the kingdom prepared for you where I will remove all of your sorrows and there will be no more death or sadness or crying in pain.

You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart. I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. My Spirit helps you in your distress. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power. I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won't I give you everything else? March on, dear soul, with courage! Never give up. I will help you. I will uphold you.

Trust in me always. I am the eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

So don't worry. I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. The angel of the Lord encamps around you. I hide you in the shelter of presence. I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.

Wars will break out near and far, but do not panic. I have over the world. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. I surround you with a shield of love.

I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering , trading beauty and for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. If I am for you, who can ever be against you?

I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you and guard you as the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they out number the grains of sand! Nothing can ever separate you from my love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't and the demons can't. Your fears for today, your worries about tomorrow and even the powers of hell can't keep my love away.

You sometimes say, "the Lords has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me." But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don;t be afraidl you are valuable to me.

Give me your burdens; I will take care of you. I know how weak you are , that you are made of dust. Give all your worries and cares to me, because I care about what happens to you.

Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest. I delight in you and I can be trusted to keep my promises. Come and drink the water of life.

Your Maker and Father,
God

99th

2009-07-28T00:14:00.002+08:00

Man, really needed this book, Come Thirsty, and at the right time!

Really, this book, spoke to me, opening my eyes to what was little known.

Love this example that the author, Max Lucado, wrote. We should not be starting our car engine, shifting to neutral gear and push the car! There is such a thing called the accelerator! Same way, why do we start our Christian life so that we live it with our own strength! There is such a thing called Holy Spirit! We can choose to ask help from Holy Spirit, but no, we are too prideful, too conformed, too foolish not to ask of the Holy Spirit!

Man. Really great revelation for me and I hope that anyone that reads this gets encouraged and acts Spiritually. We might be saved, but unspiritual. Imagine you, push a Porsche around and hey, you would like to share the Porsche with some one that does not have one. But hey who wants to receive a Porsche, only to push it, not drive it? If so, would they want that Porsche?

Likewise, our Spirituality should be able to influence non-believers to 'drive this Porsche'!

It because of this book, that, I want to be a filial child and agape to my parents. I really pray that I'm able to influence them and help them cross the line. It might be difficult, but with the Holy Spirit, I will wait. I will wait till the right time, in the mean time, I'll pray for their salvation. I do not want to cry in their funeral, instead I want to smile and grin like the Angels receiving my parents.

With this new found knowledge, I really want to serve God, not as someone who's spiritually dry but one who's so filled up with Holy Spirit, that, everytime I pray, I seek the Holy Spirit, God would work. Lives will be influenced,transformed. Really, if only we are capable or living such spiritual life, one where the Holy Spirit lead us, like the hand controlling the gloves, we will be like Elijah, able to see the Spiritual realm, or like the apostles, saving the thousand souls just by preaching. This is a prayer that I would like to make, BUT, I have to be prepared. I have to let the fingers of the Holy Spirit in to the gloves. I need to change, I need to repent. If we change, If we repent, would you lead us? God will you lead us? Would you allow us to represent your glorious name? You name that has power for miracles?

I want to see miracles, done in your name, so that people would proclaim that you are real, glorious and gracious. Let us use your name to bring hope and salvation in people's life. When we proclaim, in Jesus name, in God we pray, we will be seriously meaning it, that we rely on you, your name to do miracles. For you are omnipotent, not us. For you are God, not us.

98th

2009-07-22T00:38:00.002+08:00

I want to talk about what Peter Teong, one of the staff from Elpis, my current attachment, had conversed with me.

I can't remember word for word, but, what I remember is that, when faced with a mountain, by looking at the past mountains that we had climbed, one can say, 'look, the previous mountains that I had climbed in faith weren't that small either, though this mountain might be higher, it's nothing if I once again have faith and trust in God.'

Something like that.
Yes, by looking at the past mountains I have climbed, I'm sorry Lord that I did not have have the faith, the trust and the hope that I should have had.
This is one lesson I will carry with me, a lesson that I will try never to forget, even if I'm at the lowest point of my life. If I do forget, please, please remind me of the lesson learnt.

Another thing I've learnt is that we are representatives of God! We are a representative! Just like how Torres appear in advertisement for Nike(I think), we represent God! What a late realization! We are God's people! When you pray, and use God's name, would he not work to prove that he is who he is? Also, when we pray, we say 'Our FATHER in heaven,' means, he's our Father, who is in heaven. What this means that our father, I.E. God, IS GOD! Do you get it? He's god! Our Father, God! Can you believe that? Our father is God!

Seriously, God is our father, our father is God!

97th

2009-07-20T23:44:00.002+08:00

Thank you for your blessings,
Thank you for Peter,
Thank you for Elpis,
Thank you for this attachment,
Thank you for Nicholas,
Thank you for Joseph,
Thank you for Stephen,
Thank you for Karen,
Thank you for freewill,
Thank you for this life,
Thank you for the Bible,
Thank you for my family,
Thank you for Jesus,
Thank you for Holy Spirit,
Thank you for the blessings that I have missed out and
Thank you for You.

96th

2009-07-15T00:37:00.002+08:00

Hmm. Thanks God.
I guess I should give up now huh?
Is that what you are trying to imply by that?

So disappointed with myself.
You Loser.
Oh well, Jeremiah 29:11

95th

2009-07-13T23:48:00.003+08:00

After advice from Nicholas, I've decided that, I want everybody to know that, I've changed since Christmas 2007.
Yes, I brought the Church down, I want to apologize for that.
I've re-read my post and I've found that the posts are Childish and immature.
I was in no position to write the Church down like that.
Now, I'm back and I wish to serve God, as he leads.
I apologize for the disgust/misconception that have been created.
I wish that I could take back the words that I've said, I could delete the posts, but the damage had been done.
So, I'm prepared to show you guys that God is real.
God has changed and is changing me.
I'm prepared to live my life in refutation of the points I've written on the posts.

Let my life be a story for you Lord.
Let my life please you.

94th

2009-07-06T22:43:00.002+08:00

Ok, I'm not going to 'fast' on fb or msn. Fasting is not a way for me to cure my bad habits. It's motive must be right. I want to be closer to God. Not use less of msn or fb. Thanks shepherd for pointing out that point. Thanks.

93th

2009-07-02T00:38:00.002+08:00

God, it's hard to be a good Christian.
Temptations, fruit of the spirit and teachings,
Man, I've broken them all.
Sorry God, I'm just not good enough, yet.
God, please help me more.
I can't stand the pressure and the stress.
I just feel like giving up like always.
I don't want to be a man who do things halfway, I want to be a person that do what he promises.
Please help me tide over this month, I really don't want anything bad to happen to my internship, training nor relationship with you.
Please advice. Please help.
Holy Spirit? Where are you?
I need you. Please?

92th

2009-06-29T01:16:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

Reborn, my faith shall be renewed.
What's faith?
Teach me. I want to know. I want to experience.
I don't wanna go back to what it was last time.
I wanna change me. I wanna change people.
Please help me. I know I can't do this alone.
Only you. Only you can.
Only you can transform us.
In awe, I can only say nothing but smile at your greatness, your faithfulness and your love.
I pray that I'll be forever faithful.
Until the day I die, I will still be faithful to you.
I'm sorry. I will.
It won't be a 'Lets start again'.
But it's going to be 'Lets move on from where we stopped'.
Lead me. I'll follow. I'll follow where ever you will lead me to.
Be the leader of my life. My source of hope and light.
I'm sorry for what I've said and done.
I know that I'm in the wrong and shouldn't have done the things I've done.
But I won't take back the words that I've said.
This is what that makes me human. My mistakes and sins.
I won't be ashamed by them but I beg for your forgiveness.
I'm sorry.

91th

2009-06-14T12:23:00.002+08:00

Man, what happens if she finds a guy first?
All these waiting, wasted and left ignored.

All the more I should tell her rite?

90th

2009-06-14T01:11:00.002+08:00

I think I have a mild case of social anxiety.

89th

2009-06-13T18:03:00.001+08:00

A little courage and boldness is what I lack. Oh courage where are you? What are you courage? Why are you lacking in me? How do I get courage? Help, I need some courage. COURAGE. COURAGE. COURAGE.

88th

2009-06-07T23:40:00.002+08:00

Well same old posts. I want her, life sucks blah blah blah. Even I'm sick of my own life and progress. Well, that, you have to thank the people who teach me patience.

What's wrong with waiting?
The opportunities have not come yet. Or, do I have to make the opportunities?

Lets say, like, lie that I'm near and ask if want to meet up.

Or you could just ask her out for a movie, the same boring stuff.

Sometimes you do not need a reason to do stuff. You do not need a reason to ask someone to watch a movie. Wait maybe you are interested in the person.

Yeah, it's boring.

87th

2009-05-16T20:55:00.002+08:00

Yeah! I've got my fish that I wanted!
However, it's kinda knocked up and injured.
Fishy keeps jumping out of the tank.
I'm afraid that Fishy would further injure itself.
And it's not eating the gold fish in the tank!
Please survive, I don't want to eat/throw you away.

Well, to bring down the mood,
I like the lyrics of Heart, Alone.
It goes like this:

You don't know how long I have wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight
You don't know how long I have waited, and I was gonna tell you tonight
But the secret is still my own
And my love for you is still unknown
Alone

Ah, oh well.

86th

2009-04-20T23:40:00.002+08:00

Well, now I need to know if you are really interested.
I don't want to look like a fool.
If all that glances from you are fake, I'm damned.
Do you really want it?
Do you?
I don't mind trying.
I just want to know if you are willing.

Then again, if I don't try, I won't know if you are willing.

So, Conclusion?

Just go for it.
You are only just a little shy, Joseph.
Not extremely shy, just a little.
Just a little.

Sure, you turn red when people tease you with girls.
Sure, you turn red from a handshake.

But, I believe that you can do it.

Really.

85th

2009-04-06T19:23:00.002+08:00

You, the girl that smiles.
How did you make me so bitter?
How, from attraction, it changes to hate?
How, could you not know of my intentions?
Am I not clear enough?
Did I do enough?
Am I not good enough for you?
Oh fuck.
I'm already heartbroken, even before I have a relationship with you.
I want it.
Do you? Do you?
Hey, would you feel guilty, if you ever read this post?
Would you know it's you?

But, hey, I shouldn't blame you.
Maybe, I really didn't do enough.
Maybe, I really am not good enough for you.
Maybe, You are out of my reach.

Just like how the moon wants to be with the sun,
But because they serve different duties,
They can never meet.
However, every year,
When the moon eventually meets the sun,
This selfish love of the moon,
Would cause a time of darkness,
For the people who care for them.

84th

2009-03-17T04:58:00.002+08:00

Shyness is just a symptom of fear of rejection.

So I guess I afraid that you won't accept me.

Which means low self-esteem.

Man. To think that I have low self esteem after the things I have been through in the past years.

Damn. Can someone teach me to be confident?

83th

2009-02-09T02:24:00.002+08:00

Great. Just great.
So much for trying to keep this blog low profile.
That's the power of one and one's mouth.

Oh well.
Comparing isn't healthy, but, without comparing, how does one knows if one's good?
Well, it's not that I'm low in esteem, maybe I am but, why do I have the feeling that I'm not good at anything.
There's always someone better! Always!
I've been living a life that's not fulfilling, not worthy, just wasting my life away. I feel that I can do so much more, it's just that something's stopping me.
And I really don't know what to do anymore.
It just feels like everything I do is useless, insignificant, a chasing after the wind. Really wonder if that's all to life.
Argh it's so pathetic, when I think of my past, the opportunities I've missed, the regrets that I have.
If only my life is just like those of TV, perfect, with a few setbacks to make us stronger.
Then again, this phase of life could make me so much stronger.
Or it could break me.
'What does not kill you, makes you stronger.'

Yeah, I hope that's true.

82th

2009-01-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

Valentine day? Hmm. I wonder. Someone please advice me?

Yes I was hot over someone last year, but I've come to know, that I have given up on her. Oh please, please, help me someone.
I'm Confused, never have I felt this way!
Oh wait, I've just remembered.
I've been in a all-male school since primary school up until I'd graduated from secondary school.

Great. Thanks mum and dad. I love you for that! Oh wait, isn't it because that dad's the only son, and therefore I should get married and get a son to carry on with the surname? OH right! That's so very true! I do love you both to death!

Grr.

81th

2008-12-27T15:57:00.004+08:00

I would really love to go England.
The scenery is much better,
and the people there are better.

Oh, fantasy, fantasy.

Many things have gone through my mind the last month.

How, when, I've changed my hair, then she noticed me, that lady with fake eyelashes.
Maybe she just likes superficial attractions.
Don't all girls at least read one romance story, or watch a romance movie, that by being superficial and loving superficial, one has no gain, whatsoever?

Oh, what low self-esteem I have!
I should have been better, I could have, but certain things are just meant to be, Que sera sera!

And what a shitty life I have!
It could have been worst, but then again, I would prefer it to be better.
So much regret, so little thanksgiving.

Oh and, The-One-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Here-In-The-WWW, self-help upgrading/motivational books do help, but if you want to really change, for heavens and all your friend's sake, please, go get a religion, a relationship with God, or any cult, that promote love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and please do not make things worst for us already.
Is that really hard for you to do?
Don't always make things about you, please.
Sometimes, I really feel like begging you to stop this crap, but most of the time, I just feel like knocking you out, so that you would just shut up and not bring more shit to yourself.

Oh, boring stuff I know. But, if, somehow, someday, The-One-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Here-In-The-WWW, reads this post and realise that The-One-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Here-In-The-WWW, is oneself, I do really hope that one would realise one's mistake and hopefully change.

So is the one a lady or a man? What's one's name? Why am I asking you this?

Yes, yes. Oh well.

79th

2008-12-04T22:24:00.000+08:00

Posting with Blackberry Curve!!!

78th

2008-11-11T16:53:00.003+08:00

Love gives you Courage?
VS
Needs Courage to love someone?

Which case are you at?

I dunno which I'm at.

77th

2008-11-10T01:22:00.004+08:00

Something's different.

I'm thinking weird, horny and embarrassed.

Come on, she's not straight.
She might have another mate.

Looking at your photogenic smile,
Can I pat you while it's still worthwhile?

Oh, please, why go the other way?
You are making it gay

I'm thinking of you,
Though it's not my queue.
I wish that I have you,
But I guess it's okay.

You distracted me, took me away,
Far from here, it's where I sway.

Oh, please, why do it this way?
You are looking at me.

I'm thinking of you,
Though I'm not such fun.
I wish that I have you,
But I guess it's okay.

76th

2008-10-30T21:34:00.002+08:00

Man heroes sure is exciting.
Just can't wait for the next episode.

Well, I would really love to have any superpower...
Fly, read minds, time travel, telekinetic, speed, turn object to gold, etc,
I would really love them.

Well, what can you expect?
I'm lazy!
If I'm hardworking why would I even need a power?

Then again, no one in heroes is lazy.
So, if I'm hardworking I might find out that I've a power!

Yeah, self-motivation.

75th

2008-10-29T22:54:00.001+08:00

I'm suddenly sick of life.
I've no motivation to carry on.

How I wish one day I wake up to find myself in paradise,
My paradise.

I don't really know anyone in my class,
She's in my class and I can't do much about it.

They are more like distractions than motivations.

And since I have a P,
I can't get DHL or
Diploma with merit,
So why should I even try?

Funny how one subject can change your whole life.

Damn, life really sucks.

fuck it.

72t

2008-10-26T14:12:00.003+08:00

posting with omnia!!!

72t

2008-10-26T14:12:00.002+08:00

71th

2008-10-14T00:06:00.001+08:00

Oh ya. I'm supposed to change blog skin.
I hate to find blog skins.
A whole lot of dump and little simple skins.
Oh well.

70th

2008-10-09T00:48:00.005+08:00

You know what?

It's time you/I should realise how simple life can be.
What's the point of brooding?
What's the point of grieving?
What's the point of grudges?

I had always thought that I'm complicated.
I'm wrong. So wrong.

Maybe, I've moved on from that part of my life.
Then, I guess,
It's alright for people to think complicated.

But, sometimes,
I wonder if people worry too much, think too much.

It's nothing really.
Just look at it on the whole,
Like, how, it'll really affect you,
How, much it's priority ,
From my perception,
It's kinda,
Nothing.

I'm not talking really about your troubles,
But, in general, a stereotype.
I guess it's just my point of view,
Of how, really, it's not such a big deal after all.

Don't we have more important tasks to do?
Like getting my diploma,
Like living the life that I want to live,
Eating the food, that I'll appreciate,
Spending time with friends?

Well this are the things
That have more priority in my life.

Ok, so, after reading my bull,
I'll get to the point.

I really hate it when people talk about how their relationship(s) with their classmates or old friends or new friends, any relationships, is not working well. Or bad.
At this point, people usually start to shoot their arrows, marksmen or not, they will never hit themselves on the foot.

This is where I want to criticise those arrow shooters or those that will be and of course me, the victim to that vicious way of life.

A relationship is 2 way. Just like talking on the phone.
If, John Doe stops talking,
Mary Jane will start another topic.
If, John Doe does not want to reply Mary Jane,
Not even a word,
How would Mary Jane feel?
The opposite is vice versa too.

Would you hang up the phone?
Is that how you'd feel?

So, after reading these examples,
Please, don't start to blame people,
Unless you are blameless to start with.

A proverb in the bible, words from Jesus I think?
Paying attention to the sawdust in your brother's eye,
More than the plank in you eye.

Wow. I guess people do learn more things in church, afterall, it's the place where people can learn, not only about God but other things in life too.

Guess, I'm sliding back?
We'll see.

69th

2008-09-10T00:37:00.005+08:00

I wonder if people
Know why they do the things they do.
Sometimes I don't too.

The reason why you hum,
The reason why you whistle,
The reason why you laugh.

Can it be understood such naively?
Can't it?

Why not and why yes?

Things are not as they seem they are, or are they?

Boring stuff humh?

Oh well, welcome to my cranium.

68th

2008-09-03T01:13:00.002+08:00

Never will He leave you, never will He forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

What a nice way to stumble someone, someone who tells you that verse.

66th

2008-08-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

Ok,
REVIVAL!

65th

2008-05-26T02:19:00.002+08:00

Why?

When I'm free, I'll just think of love and sex?

Why?
Why?

Girls market themselves so that it's like a need to have one?

Man, is it only human to do that?

Is it only me?

Everything would be settled if only I'm more powerful.
Just a little bit more.
A little bit more.

Just like Lestat.
I wish I have his powers but still a human.

The ability to love people as much as he can.
To love and be loved in return.
Above all.
To love.
And to be loved.

If only there's a word to describe the feeling I'm feeling.
Oh well.

Positive side.
Nothing to be positive unless I have more power.
More cash.

64th

2008-05-13T23:18:00.003+08:00

Wow.
I'm just so happy.
Did so much things these few days.
Oh man.

Thought that my secondary school days were fun.
But, I'm wrong,
So damn wrong.
It's the beginning.
It's the start.
Hell yeah,
It's the start of my life.

Learnt alot too.
James is a guy that's cool,
Class is good,
Smoking hurts,
Love is everything,
Thanks, people who encouraged and cared for me.
Peace and Love is to be adhered,
Time to earn my first real pay,
Can't wait to feed my vanity,
Can't wait for her.

And please, please don't smoke.
Don't. It sucks.
Sucks your health.
Health leaves you.
You are funking dead.
Dead is on your coffin.
Coffin in front of your mum.
Mum, crying.
Cry , God does.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

63th

2008-05-11T00:18:00.002+08:00

Love.
What is love that made me powerless.
Then again, it's love that surrounds us.
But, Not Me.

Is it hard for a friend to love another friend?
To care for a friend of yours?
Are friends for fun and sense of belonging?

What are parents who don't love their kids?
If they don't know love, how the fuck they can be parents?
Being a parent doesn't mean just giving birth to a kid or 2 and don't love them. You have to love them, no matter how irritating they are and how stupid they are or even how rebellious they are! It's love that will prevail, not force and anger!

Such huge desire for love overcame me.
It's not the type of love hollywood portray,
It's the care and brotherly/sisterly love.

Man, I hate it.
It makes me go crazy.
I want love!
I want love?
What's love?

What's a life without love?
I rather die, than to live a life without love.
Life without love is a life not worth living.

I guess, the hate in me is growing ever so strongly,
That it has over taken the love in me.
Is it because I've not been attending church?
Is it because I don't receive love, like a two way thing, after I gave love?

Desperate for something out of reach.
Desperate for the depths of the sea.

62th

2008-05-03T00:14:00.003+08:00

Oh my gosh. Today, crazy stuffs happened.
God is such a cute fellow.
First is the girl in my class, then the book I'm reading and now, my journal that I wrote to God last time.

Can't believe that such a fervent, 'christian' me, became a who-the-hell-is-god type of guy. Ah, if I had the effort to write those journal into this blog, the christian classmate would be shocked.
How committed I was, that I wanted to write a song of God's faithfulness to Non-believers! How burdened I was for people around me.

But, then again, if I was so committed, why would I forget about that? Hah, am I really committed?
Oh well. Only God knows.

Got this crazy idea of writing a 'book'. Maybe like a short story. A Fantasy.
Why would my story not be a Fantasy? It'll be boring if I wrote about my life. hahah

Going to use the style of Anne Rice to draw people's attention. I'll just try.
But who's gonna read it?

61th

2008-04-30T23:46:00.002+08:00

Hmm, why am I regretting stuffs?
Just wish for to travel time.
Just wish to right things.
Just wish that I know you.

AIYA!! Stop! Your melancholy thoughts are boring me!
Can't you write something of a different style?

Yeah, I'm sick of my posts sometimes.
So boring.. So much words.
No funny nor happy stuff.
Oh well. Guess that's me.
Blame on personality?
Blame God instead hahaha.

60th

2008-04-29T21:01:00.007+08:00

Is it possible that, maybe, just maybe, somewhere in the world, there's another person, male or female, having the same mentality as me, thinking that there are people thinking the same thing as he or she is thinking?

If that's a yes, then, is it possible that there's a girl or lady, who has the same longing as me, to love and be loved in return?

I do hope that the lady would be blog-hopping, just as I am, to find that answer, in my blog.

Too much of a coincidence?
Think again.
There are countless number of people in the world, though it's not exactly countless, that it increases the probability, of that, happening!

Just hope that I find a wife or girlfriend that loves me as I do, and most importantly, fully committed to nurture and unconditionally love out future kid.

I'll just hope.

59th

2008-04-28T17:52:00.005+08:00

I look, cause I know I won't see again.
But that's an excuse.
If, I do want to see you again,
I should have gone up to you,
And say that I'm interested in you, my hot lady.
But, oh well, time ticks away,
And soon, prediction fulfilled,
There you went,
With your hot, sexy ass, waving to my face.

I should have lied, I'm such an idiot.
But my eyes would just give me away.
What I have in me, is but just a longing.
What I've planned is the bigger picture.
Sometimes I'll lose that sight,
Mostly, more often than not,
It's all because of you.

58th

2008-04-28T00:11:00.008+08:00

Hey, She- r3ne [just so that when people google you, won't find my blog ;)], I suggest that carrying a small notebook around is useful for blogging. The previous post, I wrote it down on a notebook when I was thinking of her..

Love and peace, Music and pictures,
The finer things in life, are what I express with.
Vampires and Spirits, Gods and truth,
Are but many interests to me.
Nikon and fishing, Flying and jumping,
Are what that defines the typical me.
Hugs and kisses, flashes and pictures
Are what I'll shower freely upon you.

For you, I'll give the world,
But of course, that's a lie.

So, I'll give to you a philosophy;
That is, to love and be loved in return,
It's the greatest gift of all.

Therefore,
Jesus isn't the greatest gift.
For Jesus isn't love.
For love is an action.

57th

2008-04-26T01:36:00.008+08:00

How was it possible that a simple introduction
Could make me think of you the whole day,
Rendering my love, for another girl, faint.
How your face could stay in my mind,
For as long as I'm conscious, a mystery.

Oh, how powerful and seducing your charm is,
That I seek it like a drug addict
desperately yearning for a puff.
Not that knowing you is a crime,
But it's surely a lawsuit to forget your face.

56th

2008-04-24T00:19:00.002+08:00

Would you be at my side
Give me a chance to let you see
How it's so possible You and me
I believe in love.

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away.

I do love you
I do love you
I do love you.

55th

2008-04-20T00:42:00.002+08:00

Once again, I'm thinking of you.
Yeah, your smile could steal a sailor from the sea.

At night, when travelling home,
I walk through a silent street,
And loves a lady who's not around
But I can still see your smile.

54th

2008-04-14T23:25:00.002+08:00

ok, I don't care.
La la.
Whatever.

53th

2008-04-12T01:47:00.004+08:00

Hah, almost went to slumber without blogging.

Topic of the day: The world does not revolve around you.

As I would usually start of with 'ok', this time I won't.

Ok,
Please, readers of my blog, Let me share with you something that would help you with maturing and growing of your mentality.

That is, of course, the topic of the day.

Ah yes, we heard this quite a number of time.
I've heard it in an anime, I've heard it in school, but, nonetheless, it's always ignored.
What does it mean by 'The world does not revolve around you'?
How the hell do I apply this in my life?

Well, firstly, just think of the statement literally. The world does not revolve around you, it revolves around the sun, or rather, it travels in it's orbit.

But this is not what people meant when they say it to you. So, take a look at it in another perspective. That is, the world, which means everything in the world, does not revolve around you! Revolve meaning, depend. So forgive me for being boring but that sentence actually means, everything does not depend on you!

Shocking huh?

How do I apply this?
Simply, just don't go around thinking that everything around you is less important than You!

Doesn't mean that you want it means you'll have it.
Doesn't mean that you came first so you must be given the privilege.
Doesn't mean that you are warm means everybody must agree to air-con.

Go think about it.
Little spoilt brats.
Oh, I meant you too.

52th

2008-04-10T23:41:00.005+08:00

How could I not look at you when I pass that door?
You are just gorgeous, or so it seem to me, with an admirable face, freshness and sensuous leg.
That little waist with complementing tight-fit shirt,
Ah, such beauty.
It is a sin not to look your way,
A reward to see your smile.
But of course, it's rude to stare,
So, forgive me if I indulge in you for long.

51th

2008-04-09T14:07:00.002+08:00

You know, I bet you don't, I can move things with my mind. No, this is not a story of an X-men or superheroes. This is a real story. You might find this under the section of fiction, but, I'm telling you it's true!

50th

2008-04-07T02:37:00.004+08:00

"Hi, how are you?"

"Fine I guess."

"Er, so, hows studying?"

"Ah I think I can manage."

"Cool."

"Sorry for being boring, always using a sentence."

"Nah, it's alright."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's cool with me"

"Ohh I see."

"....."

"I love you."

"What?"

"I love you."

"....."

"I really do"

"....."

"Yes, I love you. I love you for who you are, love you for your smile. I wanna care for you like my life depended on you. I really do."

"....."

"....."

"You just used more than a sentence."

"Sorry."

"I love you too."

49th

2008-04-02T00:50:00.002+08:00

Bought Scar Tissue, it's a darn bloody good book describing drugs and drugs effect and such, but of course not totally about that. the low and down of the band, the girls, the records, the albums.

Want to try pot, but it's unreachable. No way. Never.

Ahh, injured part of my back after landing on the floor after a 360 kick in a sparr.. Hurts to turn my back.. oh well.

Still,I'm thinking of you.
Yes, Still Thinking.

48th

2008-03-28T23:31:00.004+08:00

Well, yet another entry full of problems and anger.

You know what? I really feel that Chinese parents who aren't much educated, in example, our parent's generation of parents, they don't know what is love or selfless love.
How could they not know what is love or selfless love? Haven't they snatch that silver remote control from you to watch boring chinese drama series about family, love and relationship?

Oh wait, MAYBE, it's because they are not christians.

But, wait, I've seen parents who are not christians and they know how to show love to their child.

Why? Why must it be so?

Ah. Why am I comparing? Haven't I learn from church not to compare?
Something funny though, If we don't compare, how will we learn what's god's standard?
We have to compare to know whether we are up to god's standard or lack of it.

Oh well, not like I will get credit for discriminating the church or god. Just discredits.

Dunno what I'm looking for or who I'm searching for anymore.
It's almost done,
Soon.

Sometimes I've got some important issue that I want to blog but I tend to forget about them. Maybe, I should have a notepad with me every moment so I can record what I've thought about.

Such hassle.

47th

2008-03-26T23:11:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, we just don't think enough.

Lets say, we do think about everything we see and everything that we thought of, then we would view people in many different perspective, changing that boring mentality or morals of yours.

I want to use examples but, but there are just to much factor in any examples one would state.

Anyways, it's a chore for us humans to think!
Why? Go think about it!

What I know about myself is that whenever I'm thinking about something that happened, I would tend to wander off to other issues that are ongoing or maybe just something that is random.

Well, I guess it all started when Adam and Eve sinned, eating the FRUIT OF KNOWLEDGE.
Haha

Got the joke?

Okay, nevermind.

46th

2008-03-24T23:04:00.002+08:00

How I wish, that you would come online more often.
How I wish, I would be more daring and message you.
How I wish, that life was easier.
How I wish, You would be what I expected.

Ah, But if wishes do come true,
Chaos would rule and reign.

But now, I really wish, I really wish, I could fly.
To be free.

Free from what?
That I myself do not know,
But one would be the force, that holds us down.

That of course is seemingly possible,
Yet,It is not.

Love the night and not the day,
Love the attention and not the stare.
What more must I take from you?
What more must I suffer from you?

The temporary orgasmic power that left me high,
So powerful yet unfathomable.

Sensable yet untouchable,
Understood yet unacceptable

The feeling that I got from you,
The answers that I cannot understand.

45th

2008-03-14T23:05:00.005+08:00

A post finally for like days.

And why the sudden post?
Of course something interesting happened.

Angry post again?
Haha ya lar, quite la.
I failed EBM. Sianed. Have to go take the supp paper.

Oh to end of the post, I got my SLR

.....

Just kidding. It's not the end of the post =)
How can I end my post with something like,
Oh I got my SLR.
It's time for me to show off!!!!

Hey I got my SLR leh, jealous anot.
SLR LEH. 1K leh!

Ok, ok, it's not nice to do this.
But hey it's a big thing for me!
My first ever SLR for my future.
For my dreams.

So, I think this blog would have lesser words now,
And more pictures.
Here are some!

Then playing with shutter speed:

I love DSLRs. Though it's a big hole to the pocket,
(thx Sherene -.-)
It's totally worth it. =)

44th

2008-03-05T02:11:00.002+08:00

I realised something, my posts are quite angry.
Is it because I never go church for a few months?
Or am I just angry at alot of things lol.
But I think I will be just as angry even if I go church.

Been looking for this song, It's chinese though..

你怎么舍得我难过

The song is just like what I'm feeling,
The part about missing her,
the part about wanting to see her,
just really fits what I'm thinking.

But, definitely not the chorus, where she left and felt nothing about it.

对你的思念是一天又一天
孤单的我还是没有改变
美丽的梦何时才能出现
亲爱的你好想再见你一面
秋天的风一阵阵地吹过
想起了去年的这个时候
你的心到底在想些什么
为什么留下这个结局让我承受
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
在我最需要你的时候
没有说一句话就走
最爱你的人是我
你怎么舍得我难过
对你付出了这么多
你却没有感动过

This will be my song in KTVs LoL

43th

2008-02-29T00:29:00.003+08:00

So, is it real?
This thing?
Am I right?
Or am I just messing with my own mind.
How would this continue?
How would this end?
Ah, how funny that I would be writing this.
How funny, that it might just be another crush.
How funny if it's me in your arms.

I think I'm in love.
Or rather crushing this girl.

Would it be another disappointing moment?
Would it be me disappointing myself?
Would it be my 'friends' spoiling it?

Sorry, but I really hate you all for that.
So what if I appear that I don't care.
So what if I'm trying to be a gentleman.
So what if I don't retaliate.
Does it mean that I should not be respected?
Does it mean that I'm easily used?
Does it mean that I'm easily a joke?
Does it mean that I'm easily pushed around?

Fuck you.
Hell I'm not.
I'm a human too, it's time for you fuckers to learn that even the coldest heart beats.

Ok, I'm supposed to tone down on vulgarities.
But how the hell I'm supposed to do that with people irritating me and making me angry?
But I could do it, I've done it before.
So can you. Fucker.

42th

2008-02-25T22:55:00.002+08:00

Ah yes, the question.
Do you love or like her?

I guess, I just like to complicate stuffs.

Well, you can love someone,
But not like the person.

You can like someone,
But not love the person.

To love the person, you must first accept the person.
In the case of modern mainstream culture,
To accept is usually to like.
As, you won't accept someone you don't like.

So, from what I'm saying,
You will have to like that someone first,
Before you love her.

So, it's easy to give a sequence to a relationship/friendship.

Like Stage, then Love Stage.

So, In this case, I would say I like her, not love her.
So, yeah, I don't love her.
But I do want to love her!

Oh wells, I guess it's just a stage of life.

Guess what? You will become like your mum, or your dad, slogging your ass off, that is if you are in an average Singapore family.

No time to slack,
No time to fish,
No time to go for foot reflexlogy,
No time to be always romantic,
Not much time to go dating.

Arhhhg... Tell me why I'm thinking so much of the future.
Or rather, worrying about something that has not come yet,
but we know will come.

So, am I negative? Pessimistic? Skeptical? Full of Crap? Or what?

Oh, I know I'm a 'what'!

Yeah, you're supposed to laugh. haha =)

41th

2008-02-21T15:49:00.002+08:00

LoL, Crazy Girl, want to play rite?
I'll make sure you pay for what you did.

I'll make sure you'll regret what you did,
I'll make sure I'll get my revenge.

What was that Chinese proverb again?

A gentleman can wait for 10 years,
just to get his revenge.

40th

2008-02-19T17:58:00.002+08:00

Close to my skin
Someone who’s been
I’m a falling in

Disasters are
Just another star
Falling in my yard

Long to be with
Someone to tell
I love your smell

nice lyrics once again by RHCP.

39th

2008-02-19T17:09:00.002+08:00

Read the news today, Sec 1 kids could go to NJC for some integrated program, It's quite lame though..

Now, JC teacher have to be baby sitters and lecturers.
How funny. Imagine kids playing pokemon cards in the lecture theater and running around playing catching around the skool.

Maybe it's just that I'm not used to changes and stuff, but I feel that there must be a standard, something that we have to follow to, so that everything won't be messed up!

Like for example, if you are going to not have a CL for the CG, then I rather you not have a CG! Like, What's point yo? What's a CG that has no CL?

LoL, I just have to remember that. Bunch of fucked up idiots.

38th

2008-02-19T00:13:00.004+08:00

Sian, She came online. Did not do anything..

Yeah, it's all about falling in love.
It's never about sex,
though there's fantasies involved.

I want to be that romantic guy,
make that girl happy,
not about me.

Show care and concern,
be interested in her,
being sensitive to her,
And most of all, to love her.

Just want to say that that previous post, was just cheeky.
And this is what I want in my relationship.
It won't be perfect, but,
Come what may.

37th

2008-02-18T13:19:00.002+08:00

Well, what to say?

The world's becoming more complicated..
It's all about the money huh?

Rice prices increases, fuel prices, all the craps..

Life would be good if everything was standardised.
Like, all money has the same value. But how to change it?

Which currency should we use? What's the value?

Ahh wells, hope it doesn't affect me hahah

36th

2008-02-14T21:47:00.002+08:00

I had a little brother.
But he had no arms,
So my parents have to abandon him.

Part of the fault is my mom
And the other part is the doctor.

But how would my life be,
If I had my little brother.

I bet I will bully my brother,
But, I guess I would teach him too.
Unlike my sis, I teach her,
Not the other way around.

oh wells.

I can't drink..
I think I get high and drunk easily.

So, girls out there who want to fuck me,
Get me drunk, it's easy =P

35th

2008-02-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

So, desperate Joph,
You are desperate.

No ones gonna take me alive
The time has come to make things right
You and I must fight for our rights
You and I must fight to survive.

Knights of Cydonia- Muse

Loves the song.
The music and the lyrics.
Fight for justice not for hatred.

34th

2008-02-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

What If,

What If,

What a stupid phrase.
There's no more what if.
No point, saying that statement.

But, it's nice to dwell in the past..

Damn, I can't believe I'm doing so much for a girl.
Guess, I really like you.